There’s no song that can express this feeling. I’m thankful for that in a way. I won’t want anyone to ever feel this way. I know that I’m not alone. I know that Jesus died for me. He bled for me. He suffered for me. I still don’t feel worthy of life.
A few weeks back while in bible study all I could think about was “How am I going to do it?” The people at my school’s CRU seem nice and welcoming but I don’t want to drag anyone else into my mess. The less people know about me the less they will miss once I’m gone. I know my thoughts are irrational. I know God has a purpose for me and that my life has meaning but the thoughts won’t end. The thoughts of jumping off a bridge of taking a few extra pills than I should.
I’m not sure how long I’ll be alive. I’m living life day to day and moment by moment. I’m thankful for every moment I have both good and bad. I pray that Lord continues to give me the strength to keep going. Without Him I’d truly have no reason for living.