I Get Scared When I Can’t See The End

Two weeks ago I was in a car accident. Without going too far into I was having to pay for my own rental car, my car payment, and my insurance. I was running out of money. I had already paid my car payment and insurance and I had enough money for my bills and rent. I thought someone was going to handle the rental for me but I ended up having to take my rent and bill money to rent a car so I could get to work. Towards the end of the second week I began to panic. How was I going to pay for all this? I didn’t have money for rent. I had to have the rental car so I could go to work.

I want to say I got a text from an old pimp out of the blue but I know that God planned this.  I told the pimp what was going on. I sent him all my information about the car accident so  he could get to work. We made an agreement that once I go back from my vacation that I would go spend the night with him as a form of payment. My new Christian friends were upset. They didn’t understand why I would ever want to go back to my old life. I didn’t want to but I didn’t see any other choice.  I didn’t trust that the Lord would do anything. I leaned on my own knowledge and understanding and I ended up back to where I stared 2 years ago. In an endless cycle of pain.

My friend Zach cut me off. He said he didn’t want to hear any more of it and that I was on my own. Looking back I understand why he was so frustrated. I told him that I trusted in God and that my relationship with the Lord was solid… but my actions said otherwise. By me calling that pimp I was saying to God, and to my friends that God couldn’t handle my situation. That God just wouldn’t “understand”. My friend Jasmine was more patient. She knew that I still had trouble with completely trusting in God. She said she didn’t judge me because of my actions but she told me to wait. That I needed to pray and trust that God will handle it. I needed to be still. I reluctantly said yes and went to bed that evening.

The next morning my mother called me. She said that she had written a check and got money for my car rental. God did it. The power that raised Jesus from the dead also heard my cry and answered.


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